Wednesday, late mortgage payment, traffic from rain, smoking too much, car rattle, leg hurts – school; face clean, dusky whiskers, no shower, socks aren’t the same, students, paths, trees, tradition ancient, hiding, hording, righteous, impure impotent puppets, 53 with a drinking problem but got my – promotion, wife, babysitter, daughter, God’s guess who spreads, last published back in ‘07. Nods, glances, smiles, aversions, he stole my notes, pub by 5, alligator lost its teeth or mind but found and lost and spinning and writhing and imprudent and presumptuous and weak and pitiful and pure. Noise, not sound, cohesionless laughter, time, shouts, threats, bells, whistles, breaking – a jungle calm. Outside – dying tree, long, grey, dark, burnt, black, shadows pierce fresh grey snow. Laughter, dog piss, taxi, giggles, promises, girlfriends, lovers, winks and goodbyes, dropped umbrella, silver ear rings, boots, scarf and jasmine makes me tickly, “Professor?”
Coffee, anxious, early, eyes see me waiting, looking – eager, judgmental and jealous, forceful and tame. Waiter slightly cross-eyed, too much cologne, too many teeth, coffee is burnt and reheated, a metaphor from them for seeing me seeing her. B minor, Bosnian philosophy, Freud’s cocaine, platform heels, ikebana and Orpheus’s maenad assassins blind them, blanch me, intoxicate India, finally a rescinding of Pentheus’s law lets loose a cascade of black hair.
Peyote totting gargoyles spin tourbillons, dawn seen, problems, troubles, passion, youth, and an older, wiser, contemplative, motherly, ageless, shapeless, formless, warmth swallows me. A crack, a slip, doubt in Maslow’s pyramid, sunk with manure, pitched on a peak, enthusiastic, edgeless, smooth and eternal. Insecure dominance, unexplainable marks, shared paraphilia, kava timed to sunset, kinbaku and a vessel for dreaming – India.
Music, always music, cultivation of bhakti, back lighting the city, reversal of shadows, and you just know what she’s going to do with omega. Fear of quiet, forcefulness of thought, broken zen state usurped, paternal annexation, and boisterous taciturn departure. The stone throats emptied the solid sounds of five-inch heels on aged oak, I got hard and cried.
Front page image by kholkute.