I’m getting a strong reading that there’ll be more bats in your life. That feeling a scratching under your sweater, you’ll feel around and find a krinkly little—Oh horrible! It’s the thought of a bat, as opposed to a real one. Can you be bit by this bat? (I myself was bit by a nihilist. Then to the doctor to see about infection: “Where’s the nihilist? Didn’t you bring the nihilist? We can’t know anything without that nihilist.”) Some bats are metaphorical, having metaphorical lice, symbolic rabies, and other unknown pathogens of irony—they are my preferred bat. But the bats in your area are all rather amorous. One look at you and they’re falling in love. Love from a thought-bat, can it be that bad? Yes it can. Avoid bats by staying in doors from dusk to dawn. Stay away from eves and keep out of attics. A tennis racket is a useful device to keep with you at all times. In the end, bats are just like everybody else, except that they have infectious disease.
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WHAT YOUR WEEK HAS IN STORE is a weekly (-ish) horoscope by Forest Lewis. If you’d like to receive email alerts—and that’s all you’ll get, a short email—saying the new one’s up, sign up here: