DESK // Katie Sisneros

The tagline for the Tangential is “Don’t be boring. Don’t suck.” Which is probably the best advice ever given. Revolver met Katie Sisneros in a big way when she volunteered to hold a typewriter in her lap and shit-talk one of the contestants at WRITE FIGHT.

The Tangential is a pop culture and creative writing blog started by Sisneros and a couple friends. This is how the Tangential describes themselves: “This whole blog is written by cute teenagers at sleepovers who we’re communicating with through Ouija boards. Heaven is pretty cool. We just Ouija-blog five hours a day while drinking margaritas and making homemade barbeque sauce with Jesus. Some say none of this true, and we’re actually living in Minneapolis as some kind of purgatory punishment thing, but they’re just jealous.”

Revolver’s witnessed Katie’s onstage spark at Literary Death Match and the Tangential’s very own trivia night. We’re looking forward to see what she brings to the table, er, DESK.

Here are some excerpts from her various Tangential articles:

“The original concept of marriage is a social construct, just like currency, citizenship, and being a total dickbag. All of these things are ontologically subjective, but epistemologically objective. We can comfortably call someone a dickbag if they have qualities that we have culturally agreed constitute dickbaggery, a process of evaluation that satisfies our social norms, but there is no underlying fact of dickbagness that exists outside of the confluence of signifiers to which the definition of ‘dickbag’ is subject.”
Read the entire article

“To have no willpower toward boys is to strip that boy of all agency and place it upon your, c’mon let’s admit it, less than balanced shoulders, taking as a given that if you don’t acquiesce in some way then EVERYTHING will be over for EVER AND EVER and YOU’LL NEVER FEEL FEELINGS AGAIN then the HEAT DEATH OF THE UNIVERSE will happen and EVERYTHING YOU’VE EVER LOVED WILL BE GONE FOREVER IN A SERIES OF SPECTACULAR SUPERNOVAE AND BLACK HOLES WILL EAT BLACK HOLES AND OH MY GOD IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON HELP ME.”
Read the entire article

“Does an exploding star give a shit if you shuffle off this mortal coil? Does a black hole go, ‘Aw damn, that cool bro died!’ while devouring light itself? Hell no. You are so insignificant, ‘insignificant’ doesn’t quite give the right impression. ‘Utterly insignificant’ doesn’t even cut it, because it implies there could be some question as to your level of significance. You are non. You are nothing. You are the un. So you’d better tie your shoes so you don’t have some tragic (I guess) accident and have to consider the fruitlessness of literally every lived second of your life thus far while you slowly slip into a coma and die.”
From this article

“Grade disputes are allowed. If you feel that your assignment was graded unfairly, see me during office hours. There we will settle the matter using the ancient Germanic law method of trial by combat. You may pick your weapon of choice from the bottom left drawer of my desk, but the broadsword is mine. We will align ourselves perpendicular with the sun so neither has an advantage, in a quarterstave sixty feet square (somewhere behind the student union, I think), as standardized during the Great Schwabenspiegel Grade Dispute of 1275.”
From this article


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