Fanfic from life: an homage to Sheila Heti
When I Fingered Margaux
My ex-husband had a small penis and Margaux was really wet. It was like stepping into a river for the first time. By this I mean I had my foot inside of her.
My cunt was never enough for her and we both liked it. She was free then.
If all men left tomorrow would it give me a reason to keep touching myself?
Margaux comes in static. She also told me that cock tastes like a crowbar in a puddle! At least for her first time it did. Mine felt like a robot’s fist in your mouth, a robot on antidepressants.
Margaux Wants a Milkshake
After we scissored for the first time Margaux wanted a milkshake.
What kind are you getting?
I wish that you would either answer my question or never talk to me again.
We took a cab to the ice cream parlor which was five blocks away. In a few hours we would have to get ready to go to the airport.
When was the last time you tasted cum?
Using Cum As Shampoo
I immediately thought of using some random guy’s cum for shampoo.
After I thought about that Margaux was taking a shower. She was wet and I was wet. I liked to hear her shower. Sometimes she sang show tunes because she hated show tunes but loved that she hated show tunes. Can a person just like them and be okay? She came out of the shower in a towel with initials on it, like from a magazine that kid models wear. I was horny as fuck. I touched Margaux. I wanted her to come for me. I thought of an eagle tearing through a mummy with red period blood for its wrappings. When I come I think of 1940s actresses.
If I Wanted To Think About My Ex-Husband’s Cock I Would Tell You
If I wanted to think of my ex-husband’s cock I would tell you that I wanted to think about my ex-husband’s cock.
How Should A Person Sit On My Face?
It’s a command that I have been thinking about for years.
Sometimes I ask people on the street to sit on my face. They look at me. If they came up to me and asked to sit on my face, preferably without pants on, I would say yes. So why is the question so irrelevant now? When you think of everyone in the world sitting on your face, to the point of blacking out there’s so much ass on your face, why wouldn’t you ask everyone you meet the question? I want her to sit on me. I want him to sit on me. I want her to sit on me. I want her to sit on me. That is how I think.
We’re all these stupid monkey retards who ape-walk around town when all we really want is that sweet cunt rubbed on us. This is how I think about it: porn stars. Or sometimes I think about those sweet or innocent young girls who send their boyfriends pictures of their tits or cunt and I think about the simplicity of pictures, that it must get pretty crowded in your mind to be a porn star, when I would love to be a simple girl who could face-sit without all the attention. Everyone would know I liked to do it, but only would approach me when they wanted to initiate the act. Please sit on my face, madam, they’d say, a cane and a monocle like that peanut man. I would like to have one sit, please, they’d say.
I Know That Boyfriends Get Really Excited To See You Naked
I know that boyfriends get really excited to see you naked.
Margaux Sends Me Sexy and Sad Emails
1. i would lick all of you to make time slow down
2. sometimes i think about your pubes in my mouth and the last time i’ve gone to the dentist and it’s probably the same thing.
3. i suggest we try a strap on soon as it would be interesting to see you with a dick where you don’t have one. It’s pretty standard that two girls would want to use one, you know, because dicks are a joke and you’d look beautiful and funny and we’d laugh.
4. i really want to read a book in one sitting since this is supposed to be good for you and then i want to finger myself and think about you reading, too.
5. when i take off this cute sundress that you should’ve bought i should’ve been concise about you wanting it instead of me and that i want you here taking it off, you know, but oh well.
6. it wasn’t out of hand to tell me that you wanted to fuck in the shower, that you wanted to take me against the tiles so hard that my back could be a map, that you could find my shoulder wings on time, that they would still be in the same place where you left them, that these lines alone could lead you to my ass which i know you love and don’t tell me your sexy dreams about me yet i like thinking about them and i think about how soft you are when you come like bringing a blanket into bed with you as a kid that you know it will protect you and it’s fucked to talk about sex and little kids but that’s how they happen and i love when you mash my head with your legs as i rub my tongue on your clit and lips and goddamn if there is a moment i want to black out and die it’s then.
7. i want to cum for you for real next time.
8. i saw these amazing earrings in a funny smelling store and thought about you.
9. the clerk looked at me funny.
10. delete this please.
Now go buy the real book.
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