Jeff Henebury // Semi-Finalist of WANTED 25

On February 1, Revolver launched its most ambitious WANTED contest to date. We asked writers to create a fictional character and apply to a real job. The job? A 3-month prompt-based SERIAL PROJECT on Revolver. The editors have now narrowed it to down 3 semi-finalists. What follows are their characters’ answers to the second round of questions.
 
Have you met this character? You are welcome to provide a character reference in the comments below? This character’s fate may rest in your hands…

 
 
Katie Ennis
 
1) How would you describe your work style?
 
My mom has a cute way of putting it? She calls me “obsessively focused.” Her voicemails are always like, “Katie Ennis, I have straight-up not seen you in four years. What’s gotten you so obsessively focused? Is everything all right? Is Omnicorp not letting you leave the office? Has there been any word from that missing-and-presumed-dead work-boyfriend of yours? I’ve heard about the murderous downsizing! You need to get out!” and so on.
 
All that typical worried-mom stuff! So cute. I call my style “tuning out the distractions and keeping my eyes on the gross-margin prize!” Moms, am I right?
 
2) Have you ever had trouble with a boss/ co-worker or customer? If so, please explain.
 
I mentioned Chris, earlier? Anyways, Chris and I were in an HR-approved relationship, as sometimes happens among success-oriented young coworkers. We shared a passion for business and an inability to leave the office, for fear of “falling behind the pack” and subsequently being slain. I believe we may have loved each other. But where my reaction to newfound love was to invest those joyous feelings back into my business, leading to a +2 % year-over-year comp, Chris became somewhat of a downer. Always yacking about “escaping together.” His numbers slipped. I had to distance myself.
 
Lesson learned: love is weakness!
 
3) How do you propose to compensate for your lack of experience?
 
I recently heard that Navy Seals can last up to a week without sleeping. Upon hearing this I thought, “Katie, you lazy e-commerce goddess! You’ve been limiting yourself to a measly 48 sleepless hours before succumbing to profitless slumber!” By learning their anti-sleep secrets I’ll literally add MONTHS onto my work schedule, granting me “catch-up time” in this new, exciting role at Best Buy.
 
My plan is twofold. I will attend Best Buy Analyst Training by day, and undergo Navy Seal orientation on nights and weekends. I know several peers who took evening computer classes at the local community college; though the scheduling could be difficult, they profited immensely from that additional learning experience. I’m certain my indoctrination in Special Warfare will prove equally fruitful.
 
This training would also provide me with formidable combat skills, another asset I could bring to your company. Omnicorp’s leadership has made it quite clear that anyone attempting to quit will be… frowned upon? Sort of “hunted down with axes,” I guess you could call it? But, learning rapidly in both business and hand-to-hand combat, I’ll become a survivor. My 5-year plan involves promotion to Group Manager and avenging my beloved. It all starts here.
 

 
 


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WANTED is an occasional community writing contest run by Revolver. We give a prompt and our readers respond. If you’d like to receive email alerts—and that’s all you’ll get, a short email—saying there’s a new one, sign up here:



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