On February 1, Revolver launched its most ambitious WANTED contest to date. We asked writers to create a fictional character and apply to a real job. The job? A 3-month prompt-based SERIAL PROJECT on Revolver. The editors narrowed it to down 5 semi-finalists out of the 33 submissions we received. What follows are their characters’ answers to the first round of screener questions. Want to see this character make it to next round? Tell us in the comments.
2. Reason for leaving prior job?
Firstly, f*ck Games by James. Secondly, GBJ didn’t ‘fire’ me. They promoted me to ‘street team overlord’ and told me I could work from home and also to never come back.
3. Have you been convicted of a crime and if so, what and when?
Ughh… yes. I guess the old saying, “Nothing brightens people’s day like some Dark Magic” isn’t always true.
That said, f*ck everyone in the Good Samaritan Hospital ICU who called my illusions “jarring” and “unsanitary”. Secondly, f*ck that security guard and his big ten-dollar words like “trespassing” and “drunk and disorderly”. You didn’t even let me get to the part of my act where I start healing people. Do you want those people to die? Is that what you want?
4. Do you have any restrictions on your ability to travel? If so, please explain.
I don’t drive, and get carsick in the back seat, so I need to sit shotgun and we can’t go faster than 45 mph or I will lose bowel control. I can’t breathe on planes. When I get on a plane I just stop breathing. My passport smells like cat blood.
5. Do you think a manager/ boss / employer should be feared or liked? Explain your answer.
I think you should be afraid of everyone you like. Like… you wouldn’t just go up to a girl you like and start talking to her. Something awful might happen.
6. Can you describe a time when your work was criticized and how did you handle it? Please be honest.
Another review once rated my magic act “1 out of 5 stars. Very, very bad. Would DEFINITELY see again.” At first I was confused by it, but once I figured it out, I found it pretty hurtful.
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WANTED is an occasional community writing contest run by Revolver. We give a prompt and our readers respond. If you’d like to receive email alerts—and that’s all you’ll get, a short email—saying there’s a new one, sign up here: