dog house
WANTED 27 by

First sentence: “This summer my ambient metal band, [Enter Band Name], is going to record our best album ever, in a doghouse.” Due Date: Thursday, September 17th, 11:59 PM. Length: 300 words.

Wanted 26 by

First sentence: We took the sock out of the camp director’s mouth so he could plead his case. Due Date: Thursday, August 13th, 11:59 PM.
Length: 300 words.

Winner of WANTED 25 by

I’m well known by the police… It’s my ability to soothe murder victims’ animal companions (never use the word ‘pet’, it’s offensive) with the dulcet tones of my virtuosic euphonium playing that has me on the police department’s text alert system. Animal companions grieve, and euphoniums are well known for causing non-human animals to have the catharsis they need to move on with their lives.

Susan Koefod 4
Susan Koefod // Finalist of WANTED 25 by

Brump doesn’t care for interview mind games. You’re not really listening to my answers, you haven’t been all along, or you’d know not to ask. So I’m not repeating myself – you’re clearly clueless – except to say that my main strength and weakness are one and the same. A classic applicant response, right? Show how your weakness is actually a strength? A fierce wolf in passive sheep’s clothing?

Vim Odegard 4
Vim Ødegård // Finalist of WANTED 25 by

I cried out when Sheila eased the USB drive into me. The print of Vermeer’s The Milkmaid that hung in her hotel room swam in my tears. I clutched at the bedsheet. “I’m scared!” I said, yelping each word. “I’m! So! Scared!” She press the jump drive, wrapped in a condom, deeper inside me.

Jeff Honorable Mention
Jeff Henebury // Honorable Mention of WANTED 25 by

I am great at synthesizing raw data into actionable, business-oriented statistics. I am a team player who can also work independently as needed. I can stifle my screams of terror in all but the most unhealthy of office settings, and those settings have to be really, really bad before I’ll even whimper.