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WANTED 27 by

First sentence: “This summer my ambient metal band, [Enter Band Name], is going to record our best album ever, in a doghouse.” Due Date: Thursday, September 17th, 11:59 PM. Length: 300 words.

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Winner of WANTED 25 by

I’m well known by the police… It’s my ability to soothe murder victims’ animal companions (never use the word ‘pet’, it’s offensive) with the dulcet tones of my virtuosic euphonium playing that has me on the police department’s text alert system. Animal companions grieve, and euphoniums are well known for causing non-human animals to have the catharsis they need to move on with their lives.

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Susan Koefod // Finalist of WANTED 25 by

Brump doesn’t care for interview mind games. You’re not really listening to my answers, you haven’t been all along, or you’d know not to ask. So I’m not repeating myself – you’re clearly clueless – except to say that my main strength and weakness are one and the same. A classic applicant response, right? Show how your weakness is actually a strength? A fierce wolf in passive sheep’s clothing?