Winner of WANTED #14

Oh Shit, I’m a Wolf!


Listen to the story, as read by Christopher Walken (impersonator):

Give it a second to load up.




“Oh shit, I’m a wolf!”

“You’re the wolf?”

“No, I’m a wolf.” Matt kicked the wall. “Wolf 3. It’s bullshit. Wolf 3 has no lines.”

Sam scanned the newly-posted cast list. “Hey, I’m a wolf too. Wolf 7. There are seven wolves?”

“They just added all these parts to make us feel better. There’s only one real wolf. And Murphy got it.”

Hinton Falls High School was putting on an original performance of Little Red Riding Hood, as re-imagined by their theater teacher, Mr. Spence. Mr. Spence had just returned from two tours in Iraq.

In his version, Riding Hood was carefully picking her way along a desert road. They’d been trucking sand into the auditorium all week.

Matt had been sure he’d get Wolf 1. He’d auditioned opposite Caroline. There was no way Mr. Spence could have missed their chemistry. She got Red’s part, of course, and Matt had been so ready to practice breathing heavily on her neck.

But no. Wolf 3.

At least Wolf 2 had a line: “Infidel!”

Maybe Murphy was better at growling, and maybe he had actual facial hair, but he didn’t understand the subtleties of the script.

Now Matt would have to just stand in the back with the rest of the wolves, holding a machine gun and getting sand in his fur suit until Grandmother drove the Humvee on stage.

It was unfair.

Front page image and reading by the amazing Anthony D’Aloia

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